A silent phenomenon that no one really likes to talk about after the holidays is that January is “divorce month.” Law firms have reported that their divorce filing rates go up one-third in January alone. But why, after such a happy time as the holidays, is there suddenly a spike in divorces? Every couple has their own issues, but across the board, these seem to be the three reoccurring reasons for divorce in January.
One spouse wants to start the new year with a clean slate.
Typically, this request for divorce has been thought over and planned out. Some spouses will even contact a lawyer in November or December, but not tell their spouse until after the holidays are over. In this case, it’s usually because the first spouse doesn’t want to ruin the holidays for the kids or other family members.
The holidays are a tipping point for a struggling couple, and their relationship strain is now too much to bear.
Their patience, ability to love, ability to listen, and ability to heal things no longer exists and one or both spouses choose to give up, often taking on an “I’m done” attitude. Financial burdens, family disputes, and substance abuse issues during the holidays are just a few tipping points I’ve seen push couples apart to the point of filing for divorce.
Walk Away Wife Syndrome.
One spouse, statistically the wife, will have the other spouse served with divorce papers and the receiving spouse feels that it was sudden and came out of nowhere, while the serving spouse says they’ve reached their breaking point. The first spouse feels that the relationship issues have been ignored for so long that there is no way they can repair and address all of the damage that has built up over the years. At this point, even if the receiving spouse suggests marriage counseling, the call to the counselor is usually six to seven years late.
So, how can you avoid becoming a “divorce month” statistic and maintain a healthy, happy relationship after the holidays?
Watch out for the signs:
- Poor communication, including anger, silence, name-calling, and the use of demeaning language
- Unsatisfying sexual relationship for one or both spouses
- Lack of spousal friendship
- Accepting the “rut of unhappiness” in your marriage
- Your only reason for staying is because of your wedding vows or your children
I believe that most marriages can and should be saved.
If you notice any of these signs in your marriage, it is imperative that both spouses take action and find your reason to stay. Seeking out professional marriage counseling, asking for help from an elder in your church, or attending a marriage seminar or retreat are a few ways to proactively take action to save your marriage.
The bottom line is, you have to find your reason to stay. It is easy to get caught up in the reasons you want to leave, but searching for and finding that reason to stay is the key to healing a strained marriage. The Pax Renewal Center team is here for you, and we want to help you and your spouse find your reason to stay. Give us a call today.
