Love is the choice to give ourselves completely.
by Daniel Jurek
“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:11)
The expectations most of us bring into marriage and intimate relationships set us up for buying into the 50/50 Plan which is doomed to fail. The commitment to love another must be 100/100 Plan if it is going to be a fulfilling, life-giving relationship.
The 50/50 Plan says: ‘I’ll meet you halfway and you meet me halfway’. It seems logical but it is impossible to determine if your spouse has met you halfway. The ancient idiom states, “Each horse thinks its own pack heaviest.” So often in a marriage, spouses are busy, overworked, tired and feel taken for granted. Neither can agree where “halfway” is. The better question is, how do we build oneness instead of waiting for the other to meet us halfway?
“The two become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This is the biblical plan for marriage. In the arena of marital commitment it means, “I will do everything I can do to love you, without demanding ‘an equal amount’ in return. This is the 100/100 Plan of unconditional acceptance, which builds oneness instead of isolation. This plan calls for a total gift of self to the other. We give our minds, hearts, bodies and our self-less love to the other without expecting anything in return. To make this 100/100 Plan work, we need to be aware of another killer of commitment – selfishness. At the center of all threats to oneness in marriage is our tendency to be self-centered, especially in our relationships. Let us love one another – 100%!