Embracing Change with Compassion

We believe in the transformative power of hope. Jeremiah the Hebrew Prophet proclaims in name of the Lord, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (29:11). This scripture reminds us that no matter the challenges we face, there is always a path forward filled with promise and potential.

Our team of seasoned counselors combines their extensive education, training, and expertise to provide a foundation of safety and security. We are committed to delivering excellence in mental health and relationship counseling. The Wisdom in the Book of Proverbs notes, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety”(11:14). We strive to be that guiding presence for you, ensuring you feel supported every step of the way.

Creating a Safe and Authentic Space

At PAX Renewal Center, we balance professionalism with heartfelt compassion. Our clinical spaces are designed to be comfortable and safe, reflecting our approachable and authentic nature. We honor the value and dignity of every individual who walks through our doors, just as 1 Peter 4:10 encourages us: “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” Through continual learning, collegial support, and self-care, we ensure that our approach remains both cutting-edge and deeply personal. We believe in the possibility of positive change and are here to guide you towards a brighter future.

A Journey of Growth and Renewal

As you embark on this journey of growth and renewal, remember that change is possible with the right support and guidance. In Philippians 4:13, St Paul proclaims,, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” With our compassionate care and expertise, we aim to empower you to embrace new beginnings and create lasting change.

If you’re ready to take the first step towards a life filled with peace and growth, reach out to us today. Together, we can navigate the road ahead with hope and resilience.

The post Finding Hope and Empowerment Through Professional Counseling appeared first on Pax Renewal.

While I am pleased to hear “therapy talk” in day-to-day conversations, I feel like the importance of what boundaries actually are has been watered down a bit. Setting boundaries isn’t about locking people out of our lives. Rather, it’s about protecting yourself so you may form meaningful connections with others, yourself, and God. In Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, we’re reminded that even Jesus exhibited healthy boundaries – he gracefully declined when necessary but was always ready to serve when called upon.

The Fluidity of Boundaries

One size does not fit all when it comes to boundaries – they are as unique as our individual lives and journeys. Boundaries are fluid, adapting to the shifting contexts of our lives. What’s appropriate and healthy at work might differ from what’s appropriate and healthy at home. At the heart of it, boundaries are about creating a safe space and a personal threshold that protects us without shutting others out.

Defining Boundaries

I want to demystify boundaries a bit. Think of them as gates rather than walls. They’re not meant to barricade us from people and life’s experiences but to provide a framework for healthy interactions. A very simple example is setting a physical boundary. Picture someone encroaching on your personal space – stepping back isn’t about building walls, but rather about asserting your comfort zone and protecting your peace

Assertiveness and Boundaries

Healthy boundaries thrive on assertiveness, not demands. I’m going to say that again: healthy boundaries thrive on assertiveness, not demands. We should always communicate our needs, feelings, and limits openly and respectfully. Saying “no” becomes an act of preserving our integrity rather than yielding to things we’re uncomfortable with. And remember, respect is a two-way street. Just as we assert our safe spaces, we must also honor others’ boundaries.

The Art of Setting Boundaries

Referring again to Drs. Cloud and Townsend, they share invaluable insights on how to effectively set boundaries in. their book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.

• Clarity Is Key: Be clear within yourself about what’s appropriate and respectful.
• Directness Matters: Let your “yes” be a genuine affirmation and your “no” an honest refusal.
• Accept the discomfort. Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but with time, you will realize the discomfort is worth it when you are protecting your peace.

Takeaways

As you navigate the complex landscape of adult relationships, remember that healthy boundaries are the bridges to deeper connections, not the barriers to isolation. Embracing boundaries with grace and assertiveness enables you to foster relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and growth.

To learn more about Pax Renewal Center, or to schedule an appointment with one of our team members, visit paxrenewalcenter.com or call us at 337-993-1960

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Why now?

Over the last few years, I’ve noticed an influx of men outwardly struggling with their mental health but not seeking mental health treatment, even though mental health care is at an all-time high. This behavior is likely caused by the deeply rooted societal belief that men should “just deal with it” or “just be a man” and not bring awareness to the issues they are struggling with. However, this practice of bottling up strong feelings and emotions leads to disastrous effects not only in their own lives but also in the lives of those around them. 

Mental health symptoms: men vs. women 

Mental health symptoms often appear differently in men than women. These are the most common symptoms I see my male patients struggling with: 

• Anger
• Irritability
• Short temperament
• Low energy levels
• Increased appetite
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Disinterest in hobbies or activities
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Increased worry and stress
• Persistent hopelessness
• Impulsive behaviors
• Drug and alcohol misuse

These symptoms will usually coexist with physical symptoms of high blood pressure, headaches, and stomach issues. 

Men are expected to silently suffer 

As I said earlier, men are taught from an early age to “just deal with it” rather than voice that they are struggling. Mental health disorders are equally common in men and women, but men are less likely to report them and seek out treatment. Because they are less likely to seek treatment, men are statistically more likely to not only successfully end their own lives, but choose more violent forms of suicide to ensure they follow through. Unfortunately, it is uncommon for men to show warning signs of wanting to harm themselves – they are more likely to say things like “I feel like giving up” or “there is nothing left for me anymore,” leaving them feeling like suicide is their only option. 

Overlooking men’s trauma

Since men are taught to silently suffer, their trauma often gets overlooked. Whether it be childhood trauma, adult trauma, or relationship trauma, men are prone to brushing it under the rug or undermining their feelings towards it. Trauma can dramatically alter someone’s life, and leaving it untreated and ignored can have serious implications for that person later in their life. As of right now, the only trauma that is really addressed in men’s mental health is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in veterans, and there is still a rather large stigma surrounding PTSD care.  

Takeaways

I cannot emphasize this enough: We must give men a platform and a safe place for them to treat their mental health or no progress will be made in men’s mental healthcare. Prioritizing a safe space for them to share their feelings and struggles will allow them to realize two things: they are not weak for sharing their struggles, and they are not alone in their struggles. 

If you know of a man struggling in your life right now, I encourage you to share with him the importance of seeking help, whether it be with a mental health professional or another trusted person like a clergy member or priest. Asking for help is the first and most important step. You can make a difference this Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month.

To learn more about Pax Renewal Center, or to schedule an appointment with one of our team members, visit paxrenewalcenter.com or call us at 337-993-1960

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Addiction is disordered attachment.

First and foremost, it is important to note that there is a level of addiction with alcohol use disorders. At its core, addiction is a disordered attachment to something. In this case, we are talking about alcohol addiction, but a person can form an addiction to anything: drugs, food, relationships – the list is endless.

Who is in control?

I see the effects addiction has on people and their relationships on a regular basis. Alcohol is deeply rooted in Southern culture, especially in Louisiana. I’ve lived and worked in Lafayette for over 20 years, and in that time, I’ve seen alcohol addiction ruin good relationships, destroy people’s ability to maintain good jobs, and tear families apart. In all these cases, alcohol is in control.

Alcohol itself is not the problem. What becomes the problem is how it affects our relationships with others and with God.

The aftermath can be just as bad.

Alcohol is a depressant, and in many cases, the negative effects occur after the buzz wears off. When you’re inebriated, you don’t feel depressed – you may feel quite the opposite. However, after it wears off, alcohol affects brain functioning, kills brain cells, and slows brain processing, and that is when you feel depressed.

To cope with this depression, many people will just keep drinking. That’s when people find themselves in a loop of alcohol dependency they can’t escape.

Overall, any sort of unhealthy attachment is going to negatively affect our lives and relationships.

Is your relationship with alcohol getting in the way of your life?

This can be a hard question for some to answer, but I urge you to sit and reflect on your answer. If someone said you had to stop drinking, could you do it? Would you still be able to go about your daily life without alcohol? If you are unsure of your answer, I encourage you to keep reading.

How ready are you for change? Is alcohol keeping you stuck, or is it allowing you to live your best life?

To make a change in your life, it is important to note what Stage of Change you’re in.

The Stages of Change

There are five stages in the Stages of Change Model, but I find these three are the most common stages people fall into when determining what stage they are in: the Precontemplation Stage, Contemplation Stage, and Action Stage.

The Precontemplation Stage

When a person is in the Precontemplation Stage, they are not seeking to make changes in their life. They may be aware of the problem but feel like they have it under control enough to not need to make any changes. A person in the Precontemplation Stage may acknowledge they are a heavy drinker or joke about how much they drink, but they don’t view it as a hindrance to their life.

The Contemplation Stage

I find most people stuck in the Contemplation Stage. These people want to make a change in their life, they just don’t know where to start. They know they should, but there is no strong driving factor pushing them to make the change. A person in the Contemplation Stage may understand there is a problem and have thought about what their life would look like if they made those changes, but they haven’t taken that next step toward change.

This is where I ask my clients: how many of your “shoulds” become “musts?”

For example, someone saying “I should go on a diet because I could lose a couple of pounds” probably won’t. But, someone saying “I must go on a diet or else I won’t survive surgery” knows they must make that change or face fatal consequences.

When there is a “must,” there is a compelling reason for a person to transition from the Contemplation Stage to the Action Stage.

The Action Stage

People in the Action Stage are ready to make the changes they’ve been contemplating in the Contemplation Stage. When you reach the point where you’ve identified your “must,” you are ready to take action for change.

Taking action can look like asking for help, contacting a counselor, or attending an AA meeting. If you are ready to take action but are unsure how, the team of counselors at Pax is here to help you take action and take control of your life.

Takeaways

I encourage you to take some time to reflect. What are you attached to? Is it alcohol, or something else in your life? Is there anything you are so attached to that if you had to give it up, you’d be uncomfortable? If giving up something would drastically change your life, that attachment may be worth exploring further.

To learn more about Pax Renewal Center, or to schedule an appointment with one of our team members, visit paxrenewalcenter.com or call us at 337-993-1960

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When a person runs purely on exhaustion and fatigue due to increased stress and anxiety, they no longer have the capacity to maintain healthy relationships. As a result, they respond to conflict in their relationships with what Dr. John Gottman coined “The Four Horsemen” – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Criticism almost always starts with a “you” statement and is different from voicing a complaint or simply critiquing your partner. Attacking your partner’s character or saying something you know will “hit them where it hurts” are both examples of criticism, and result in your partner feeling rejected and hurt, and can lead to the appearance of the other horsemen in your relationship.

Where there is a critical partner, there is a bound to be a defensive partner.

Defensiveness is usually the response to criticism when the receiver feels accused by the critical partner. This never solves the problem, but instead reverses the blame and leaves both partners frustrated.

The next two horsemen, contempt and stonewalling, usually appear after criticism and defensiveness have made their way into your relationship.

Contempt occurs when one partner is blatantly mean to the other. Disrespecting, mocking, name-calling, and using sarcasm are all contemptuous behaviors, and it often leads to the other person feeling hated and worthless, which is the total opposite of how partners should make each other feel. When you show contempt, you are putting yourself in a position of superiority over the other person, and this is usually fueled by deeply rooted negative thoughts.

Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce – if there is contempt in your relationship, you must deal with it immediately.

A person can only handle so much contempt. Over time, stonewalling may be developed as a defense mechanism.

Stonewalling is a typical response to contempt where the person becomes withdrawn, shuts down, and stops responding to their partner. Stonewallers avoid confrontation, and instead use other behaviors to distract themselves like tuning out, turning away, or acting busy. Once a partner starts stonewalling the other, it can become a hard habit to break.

So, how do you keep the four horsemen from breaking into your relationship?

You can keep the four horsemen at bay by making sure you are properly caring for yourself first. Caring for yourself is vital to maintaining healthy relationships in your life. Simple exercises of self-care include meditation, staying hydrated, therapy, exercising, and sunlight exposure.

If we aren’t caring for ourselves first, we are going to be in a constant state of fight-or-flight and we are going to react instead of respond when there is conflict in our relationships. If you feel overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety in your life and you feel it is causing strain on your relationships, give us a call today to start a conversation with one of our therapists. 

To learn more about Pax Renewal Center, or to schedule an appointment with one of our team members, visit paxrenewalcenter.com or call us at 337-993-1960.

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I like to use Dr. Jim Dobson’s analogy for marital drift when I’m explaining the concept to my clients. A marriage is like two people in their own boats, floating around in the middle of a lake next to one another. If the boats are not intentionally tied together when the rough and stormy waters of life, like children, job stress, financial stress, or family illnesses, hit, the boats will drift to either side of the lake, the water pushing them apart.

Now, the boats are on opposite sides of the lake, and each spouse is shouting, “hey, come to my side!” “No, you come to my side!” When a marriage reaches this point, my goal as a marriage counselor is to find what we can use to bring the two boats back to the center of the lake and tie them together, so that the next time the rough waters hit, the boats are facing the storm as one unit and stay connected.

Losing the connection in a marriage does not happen suddenly, rather, it is lost slowly over the years, until finally, one spouse, or both, has had enough, and they feel that divorce is the only answer. I’m here to tell you it’s not – most marriages can, and should, be saved.

Be mindful of your marriage and watch for the signs of marital drift, including feeling disconnected, poor communication, dissatisfaction in your sex life, loss of the spousal friendship, and accepting the rut of unhappiness. If you feel like your marriage is suffering from marital drift, take action – do not wait until it is too late. Seek out professional guidance from a marriage counselor or ask for help from an elder in your church.

Like I said before, I truly believe most marriages can, and should, be saved. Stay mindful, seek out professional help, and find your reason to stay. The Pax Renewal Center team is here for you, and we want to help you and your spouse reconnect and save your marriage. Give us a call today.

Is your Marriage on the Brink of Divorce? Take PAX Renewal’s Discernment Quiz to help determine if Discernment Counseling is right for you.

To learn more about Pax Renewal Center, or to schedule an appointment with one of our team members, visit paxrenewalcenter.com or call us at 337-993-1960.

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One spouse wants to start the new year with a clean slate.

Typically, this request for divorce has been thought over and planned out. Some spouses will even contact a lawyer in November or December, but not tell their spouse until after the holidays are over. In this case, it’s usually because the first spouse doesn’t want to ruin the holidays for the kids or other family members.

The holidays are a tipping point for a struggling couple, and their relationship strain is now too much to bear.

Their patience, ability to love, ability to listen, and ability to heal things no longer exists and one or both spouses choose to give up, often taking on an “I’m done” attitude. Financial burdens, family disputes, and substance abuse issues during the holidays are just a few tipping points I’ve seen push couples apart to the point of filing for divorce.

Walk Away Wife Syndrome.

One spouse, statistically the wife, will have the other spouse served with divorce papers and the receiving spouse feels that it was sudden and came out of nowhere, while the serving spouse says they’ve reached their breaking point. The first spouse feels that the relationship issues have been ignored for so long that there is no way they can repair and address all of the damage that has built up over the years. At this point, even if the receiving spouse suggests marriage counseling, the call to the counselor is usually six to seven years late.

So, how can you avoid becoming a “divorce month” statistic and maintain a healthy, happy relationship after the holidays?

Watch out for the signs:

• Poor communication, including anger, silence, name-calling, and the use of demeaning language
• Unsatisfying sexual relationship for one or both spouses
• Lack of spousal friendship
• Accepting the “rut of unhappiness” in your marriage
• Your only reason for staying is because of your wedding vows or your children

I believe that most marriages can and should be saved.

If you notice any of these signs in your marriage, it is imperative that both spouses take action and find your reason to stay. Seeking out professional marriage counseling, asking for help from an elder in your church, or attending a marriage seminar or retreat are a few ways to proactively take action to save your marriage.

The bottom line is, you have to find your reason to stay. It is easy to get caught up in the reasons you want to leave, but searching for and finding that reason to stay is the key to healing a strained marriage. The Pax Renewal Center team is here for you, and we want to help you and your spouse find your reason to stay. Give us a call today.

Is your Marriage on the Brink of Divorce? Take PAX Renewal’s Discernment Quiz to help determine if Discernment Counseling is right for you.

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Brenda is a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor (PLPC) who holds a Master of Arts Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She works with individuals and couples struggling with anxiety, attention disorders, depression, grief/loss, as well as marital and interpersonal issues. She utilizes evidence-based approaches and strives to empower clients in achieving personal goals. In addition, Brenda holds a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Elementary Education and has over eleven years of experience as a teacher.

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What is PTSD?

PTSD (or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is defined by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs as “a mental health problem that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening event, like combat, a natural disaster, a car accident, or sexual assault”. These kinds of events can trigger unsettling emotional and physical reactions including nightmares/trouble sleeping, uneasiness, avoidance issues, anxiety, and depression. These feelings are not uncommon after events of trauma but typically fade in a few week’s time. If reactions persist, however, it could be signs of PTSD.

How common is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is most commonly associated with combat veterans dealing with the horrors of war, but it is more prevalent than most people think. It can affect people from all ethnicities and age groups. In fact, it is estimated that 1 in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. Also, women are said to be twice as likely as men to experience it. Dealing with these feelings alone can be detrimental to mental health and strain relationships with family and friends. It is important to seek professional treatment from a therapist, counselor, or mental health care provider that can assist you in your recovery. Have you ever experienced this kind of event? If yes, you could be suffering from PTSD.

Do you suffer from any of the following?

• Had nightmares about event(s) or thought about the event(s) when you did not want to?
• Tried hard not to think about event(s)or went out of your way to avoid situations that reminded you of event(s)?
• Been constantly on guard, watchful, or easily startled?
• Felt numb or detached from people, activities, or your surroundings?
• Felt guilty or unable to stop blaming yourself or others for event(s) or any problems event(s) may have caused?

If you have experienced trauma that has had a lasting negative effect and suffer from any of the symptoms above, you could be suffering from PTSD. Seriously consider the questions above and ask yourself if you’ve experienced any in the past month. If the answer is “yes” to 3 or more, you are considered sensitive to probable PTSD and should undergo further assessment. The good news is you don’t have to go through this alone. Pax Renewal Center is here for you. Give us a call today.

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